


For A Sheep As A Lamb

by Atalan



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, Humour, M/M, did gabriel misread, even when he thinks he's being subtle, or is aziraphale just that horny on main, the real question is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:08:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29072313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atalan/pseuds/Atalan
Summary: Aziraphale may have over-egged his latest report, to Crowley's delight and Heaven's consternation.Another crack prompt offering for the theme "reports".
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 73
Kudos: 495
Collections: The Not-Very-Nice and Anatomically-Inaccurate Prophecies of OLHTS





	For A Sheep As A Lamb

Crowley’s grin was a mile wide as he threw open the bookshop door.

“Oh, _Azi-irapha-_ _a_ _le,_ ” he singsonged. “Guess what?”

There was a put-upon sigh from somewhere among the shelves.

“You could knock, you know.”

“I gave up knocking about five minutes after they invented doors, angel, you know that. Etiquette is undemonic. And guess _what_?”

“I couldn’t possibly begin to imagine,” Aziraphale replied testily. “But I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

Crowley’s grin, impossibly, became even wider.

“I just got a commendation. _Big_ one. The biggest _ever_. They had to invent a whole new category.”

Aziraphale finally emerged from behind the shelves. Crowley held up the medal, all shiny and gold. It was roughly the size of a saucer, and went _ting_ in the light from the gas lamps.

“Good _lord_ ,” Aziraphale said, staring at the impossibly gaudy thing. “What did you do?”

“Funny thing,” Crowley said, idly swinging the medal back and forth on its ribbon as he sauntered across the room. “That’s exactly what I was going to ask _you_.”

Aziraphale blinked.

“Me?”

“’Cos what they _said_ ,” Crowley went on, barely able to speak through his glee, “what they _said_ was that they’d had a _complaint_. From your bosses.”

Aziraphale’s eyes went nearly as round as the medal. He opened his mouth and then shut it again with a little click.

“And what I just can’t figure out,” finished Crowley triumphantly, pacing in an idle circle around Aziraphale, “is where they got the idea that I _seduced an angel_.”

Aziraphale made a noise like a strangled goat.

“You’d think I’d remember that, wouldn’t you? You’d think it’d be one for the old diary. Unless, of course–” He’d come back around to face Aziraphale, and now he tipped his sunglasses down so he could peer mercilessly over the top of them, “– _s_ _omeone_ has been embellishing their reports.”

“I _never_ said that!” Aziraphale protested, his cheeks flaming and his eyes rather wild. “I absolutely did not– oh, honestly, this has Gabriel all over it, he must have– have misunderstood–”

“Misunderstood _what_ , exactly?”

“Well, I– I had to justify– you see, I ended up staying in Venice quite a _lot_ longer than I was supposed to, and I had to explain why it took me so long to get the job done, so I _may_ have, just possibly, fudged a few details and suggested that my, er, terribly _wily_ adversary disguised himself at the Carnivale and led me on a wild goose chase for some weeks after.” Aziraphale lifted his chin stubbornly. “But of course, I saw through it in the end despite his clever tongue– did they really say _seduce_?”

Crowley dangled the medal in front Aziraphale’s face. The inscription was quite specific, and made direct reference to Crowley’s ‘clever tongue’. Aziraphale looked like he wanted to smite something.

“Well, _really_ ,” he huffed. “That’s just– that’s– oh, for Heaven’s sake, stop _laughing_ , Crowley!”

Crowley did no such thing, instead doubling over so he could get it all out in one cackling go.

“I suppose that does explain why I was sent an updated copy of the employee code of conduct and a reprimand for unangelic behaviour,” Aziraphale went on, sounding thoroughly miffed. “ _I_ thought they were just on about dessert again.”

Crowley straightened up and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. Aziraphale glared at him. Crowley grinned back.

“It’s all right for you,” Aziraphale said accusingly. “You got a medal out of it! I got an entirely undeserved reprimand and _goodness_ knows what they think of me up there now.”

Crowley’s grin softened into a smile. He banished the medal with a snap of his fingers and took a step closer into Aziraphale’s space.

“They think you shagged a demon,” he said.

“Yes, thank you, that’s precisely my _point–”_

“They think you shagged a demon,” Crowley repeated, “and they gave you a _slap on the wrist_ , angel. You want to think about that for a minute?”

Aziraphale went suddenly still.

“Oh.”

“Mmhmm.”

“When you put it like that…”

Crowley reached up to remove his sunglasses, then slid all the way into Aziraphale’s space, hands coming to rest on the angel’s hips.

“How do you feel about _earning_ that reprimand?”

Aziraphale bit his lip, but the way his eyes had focused on Crowley’s mouth suggested that it was less about hesitation and more about what he wanted to be doing with his teeth just then.

“Now that you mention it,” Aziraphale said, “that does sound like it would be only fair.”

**Author's Note:**

> (The title is from the saying, "might as well hang for a sheep as a lamb".)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] For A Sheep As A Lamb](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29107335) by [Djapchan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Djapchan/pseuds/Djapchan)




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